Another Big Fat Negative.
To say I’m gutted is an under statement. I really believed that there was something different about this one and the weird feelings I was having were more than just hormones and side effects. K and I went to see our consultant just after the IUI treatment to see what he’d recommend if it didn’t work this time and he was a bit surprised that we didn’t believe we were pregnant now…he told me to stop being negative and really believe that I am pregnant. So I did…. and the crash that I felt when the test read negative is bloody horrible.
We had our 5 and 2 year old nephew and niece staying this weekend and so I had to sneak off and do the test on my own whilst K kept an eye on the kids. To come back and silently shake my head at the ever hopeful K was heart breaking. I tried to shake it off and it wasn’t until later when my clingy niece was having a horrific tantrum that I decided I’d had enough and locked myself in my room to cry and cry. I spoke to my Mum which helped and then had a bath with K and take away for tea. But I still feel so gutted this morning….and angry. We’ve spent £6000 so far…money we don’t really have and money that is fast running out. I don’t know what we’ll do if it doesn’t work in the next couple of tries. It’s hard to just get on with the next cycle but guess that’s what I have to do. Suck it up and get on with it. Luckily we are away this week and then have a quieter few weeks at work. October was the most stressful month of the year so probably a really shitty time to do IUI. November please be nice to us!!!