This Mummy Can Feel Good About her Body

By Holly

In the little world of Instagram there’s been lots of posts from Mums about body positivity. Following Clemmie (@mother_of_daughters) who first posted a swimsuit photo of herself after having four children and stated that she was proud of her body – stretch marks and all – many other women have followed suit sharing their photos and stated that MOD’s post made themselves realise they are not alone with c-section scars, stretch marks, loose skin and the dreaded c-section pouch and that they too should be proud of their body. After all, it’s grown and pushed out a tiny human in to the world.

Body positivity is something I too have always struggled with. Growing up I didn’t have any major issues – but when I was diagnosed with end stage renal failure a few days after my nineteenth birthday I was horrified when I had to first have a neckline inserted by my collar bone to attach me to a dialysis machine and then shortly after a tube put in my stomach to attach me to a home dialysis machine which pumped my stomach full of fluid making me look 6 months pregnant at all times. Just bloody great at 19! I managed to hide the tubes skilfully inside my bra and tucked under vests most of the time but that didn’t stop me being really self conscious about them. Never mind the dialysis, the fear of lifting my arms up too much and the tube popping out lived inside me constantly. Bikinis were a big no-no as were tight tops and skimpy dresses too, all things I was wanting to wear when I was in my early twenties.

Fast forward 8 years after my kidney transplant which I had when I was 24 and I now sport an excellent collection of scars and of course added a c-section scar to that last year.kidney transplant scar Clemmie and other women’s posts reminded me that Kate and I (Kate has also been through a lot of operations and has the marks to show for them) should be proud of our scars and bodies. They represent battles which we have won – illnesses and operations that we have got through and of course babies we’ve made! Thank you to all the ladies that have shared their photos – it’s great not to feel alone with a post baby body and I’m proud to say that I feel great in my swimsuit on the beach this year, yeah I’m still working on slimming down and getting rid of the excess baby weight but I’m not going to let that get me down and I’ll stand proud instead. 

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TWINS!!!

Our 6 week ultrasound showed what K has been thinking all along…that we are having twins!! So shocked… my high hormone result and my bad sickness all makes sense.

I’ve had a really rough week with lots of tears, tiredness and sickness so to hear this news is wonderful. I’m terrified and excited all at the same time…it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Hang in there little guys, we love you so much!

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Home Alone

After being sent home with a HUGE bag of antibiotics I spent the next six weeks pretty much laid on my sofa recovering. I spent so much time in my little warm cocoon at home that when I was actually well enough to go out for short amounts of time I really didn’t want to. I had to take these horrible drugs to wipe out the bacteria from my system for 2 months and they made me feel awful…totally wiped out and sick. It really took it out of me and in the midst of the illness I lost my job at the BBC as they had to replace me…nice! Poor K was running back and forth between home and a big edit and it was all quite stressful.

I then had an appointment with my consultant who told me not to do any baby treatments for six months until my body recovers. We were gutted.

Take me back to the start…

Our baby-making journey actually start 9 months ago back in November 2014 when we skipped along to a consultation at The Women’s Clinic in London thinking that once we were through those doors our dream baby would practically be handed on a plate to us (complete with beautiful smile, cute little fingers and toes and big blue eyes.)

As we sat nervously awaiting our nurse to come and collect us to take us in to a consultation room we sipped posh coffee and flicked through magazines such as Embroyoz, Fertility and Ova gazing happily at the glossy photos of gorgeous blond hair and blue eyed babies that smiled down at us from the walls.

Little did we know that we were about to be thrown in to a world full of acronyms (IUI, IVF, ICI anyone?), weeing on sticks and what feels like constant disappointment at the moment. We knew it wouldn’t be easy but I don’t think we were prepared to be sitting here babyless 9 months later…

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