This Mummy Can: Wants another Baby

We never imagined Scout to be an only child and so when she was only 4 months old we stocked up on some of her donor’s sperm from the London Sperm Bank so we could one day realise this. Since then, it’s been tucked away in a little freezer somewhere in the darkest depths of London waiting to be called on to do it’s job.

A couple of months ago we got in touch with a fertility clinic in Sheffield and arranged a meeting to put together a plan of action. I’d somehow blocked out most of the (highly stressful) treatment we had to have Scout. For one thing I’d forgotten that the clinic would want to know every little detail about our lives to the point where it feels as though you are having the toughest job interview of your life – to be a parent. Completely irrelevant questions were asked – the consultant focused on Kate’s disability for at least half an hour when this felt redundant to us really… It wouldn’t be Kate carrying the baby so we couldn’t really understand it and were left biting our tongues . Were they questioning her ability to parent? Or was it pure nosiness?

Anyway, you’d think having had a child already (who is by all accounts is happy and thriving) we’d be spared the in-depth questioning but we were even asked to go to a counselling appointment so we would understand what we were getting ourselves in for. (Having brought a hyperactive toddler along to the meeting who was happily playing with the uterus model on the table I think I know what I’m getting myself in for thank-you-very-much.)

From our point of view it looks so easy for hetro-sexual couples to have babies when I totally know that’s absolutely not the case for everyone. For a same sex couple it’s hard when you feel like you need to jump through so many hoops in order to even be allowed to try and get pregnant. Next step is a HIV test at some point in the next couple of weeks. Another box to tick and another waiting game. I’m just going to have to try really hard to be patient and let all of the leg work wash over me and concentrate on giving myself the best chance possible to get pregnant… acupuncture, lots of dairy and exercise here I come!

I’ve no idea if these things will even help but they may have done when I became pregnant with Scout so it won’t hurt to give them a try. Plus maybe they will keep my mind occupied during the whole process.

This Mummy Can do Father’s Day

By Holly

For the first time it occurred to me this morning as I scrolled through instagram and saw lots of posts from Mums who are celebrating their children’s Father today., that Father’s Day will never be relevant to Scout. Even Pampers have got on board spamming my insta with (actually a really sweet ad) claiming that every time a baby is born a Dad is born too… hmmm, in our case – no.

Scout doesn’t have a Dad and she never will. She may one day want to get in touch with her sperm donor (we will let her make that decision herself when she is old enough) but even then that man won’t be her Dad – biologically maybe, but that’s where it ends.

Kate and I try to make sure Scout has plenty of close male role models in her life (between us we have 4 brothers as well as Grandads, a Godfather, cousins etc) and that she spends time with each of them. However, I’m not completely living on a cloud I know that probably in 3 years time when Scout is in reception and they are making Father’s Day cards that our little girl will come home with some big questions. I mean, perhaps she won’t and she won’t be fussed that she doesn’t have a Dad and instead has two very hands on Mums who love her more than anything but I’m sure she will have some questions. Until then I can relax… I think.

Happy Father’s Day to all the single Mums and lesbian Mums – you’re doing a marvellous job!

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