So it seems that the fertility drugs that I am currently injecting myself with have turned me in to a weeping mess. I am crying over EVERYTHING. It’s the kind of crying that happens for no particular reason like if someone is particularly nice to me or even just asks me how I am. The drugs also are giving me weird tummy and back pains but the injections themselves I don’t mind doing at all. They’re the easy bit.
Work has been particularly busy and stressful this week with lots of ups and downs and I’m working long hours. Sneaking off for scans every other day isn’t ideal but fortunately the results are looking good with my ovaries growing lots of lovely follicles. I think I have two dominant ones on my left ovary at the moment which is great and IUI will happen on Monday I reckon.
If this course of IUI doesn’t work we’re considering trying something more drastic… I don’t mean stealing a baby… but maybe looking into IVF. I read that The Women’s Clinic do an egg sharing programme where you get the IVF free if you share eggs which could be something to consider as are funds are running out fast. Anyway, as I keep reminding myself I shouldn’t be jumping the gun when we have literally only had one failed IUI which is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I think when you want a baby it consumes absolutely every bit of you and it can’t come quick enough and I’m one of those people who will try any method to get what I want but I need to remember to be CALM and just slow down.
So after failed attempt number 1 we have opted for a slightly different treatment this time. Statistically natural IUI has a pretty low chance of working so we are having a non natural IUI cycle this time which means I am injecting myself every other day for a few days to encourage some extra follicles to grow. Last time I had 1 follicle and this time we are hoping for 2 or 3…not more though as apparently they have to remove them if there are too many…eek.
The injections are fine and I’m feeling ok which is good. IUI 2 will probably be next weekend or roundabouts I think. But who knows… I’m trying not to get too set on dates etc as when I did that last time I got really frustrated.
I had an appointment with a nurse at CRGH the other day who seemed very nice but completely clueless about bedside manner when speaking to patients. She proceeded to have a go at me about ordering my sperm ‘too late’… I ordered it just after I got a BFN test so it’s not exactly like I could have done it any earlier… she then asked me in an accusing way why I was trying again so soon! Erm, because we’d like a baby thankyouverymuch and it’s noneofyourbusiness. She also told me that my test results run out in December so I should get them sorted out asap which made me think that she thinks there isn’t much hope in IUI as she’s already thinking I’m going to be still having treatment in December so I felt pretty tearful and crap after all that. Sadly K was stuck at work so couldn’t make the appointment but she was really upset at how I’d been treated.
Anyway, sorry. Rant over. Time to go home and inject myself…
Our baby-making journey actually start 9 months ago back in November 2014 when we skipped along to a consultation at The Women’s Clinic in London thinking that once we were through those doors our dream baby would practically be handed on a plate to us (complete with beautiful smile, cute little fingers and toes and big blue eyes.)
As we sat nervously awaiting our nurse to come and collect us to take us in to a consultation room we sipped posh coffee and flicked through magazines such as Embroyoz, Fertility and Ova gazing happily at the glossy photos of gorgeous blond hair and blue eyed babies that smiled down at us from the walls.
Little did we know that we were about to be thrown in to a world full of acronyms (IUI, IVF, ICI anyone?), weeing on sticks and what feels like constant disappointment at the moment. We knew it wouldn’t be easy but I don’t think we were prepared to be sitting here babyless 9 months later…